Is this real life?
by SophieU
Summary: Sometimes in life you stop and ask yourself- Is it real life or fantasy?- because you just can't believe it. Linstead.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own anything.**

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It was long after all the drama had happened. Approximately four years after she took the job in New York and three years after she came back. Having been transferred to the FBI field office in Chicago per her own request. She turned up at his doorstep on a Saturday morning telling him that she was back for good and that she was sorry about it all. That she would understand if he didn't want to have anything to do with her. He was so stunned he couldn't seem to formulate a coherent sentence it was what made her leave him standing there without saying another word. What was she thinking? That he would welcome her with open arms?

She left the city even the state without saying goodbye and they'd spend a year having a bare minimum of communication. In the end he collected himself enough and confronted her a couple of hours later. She let him ask her every question he had and answered it honestly making sure she wasn't holding back anymore. Deep down hoping he would do the same for her not that she told him that. They didn't jump into anything that day. She let him decide about what they could be and how fast they would be moving. So they rebuild their friendship first and it didn't take long at all because that part had always been easy for them. It seemed like they had a silent agreement to talk more this time around. To open up to each other. This time they really did not just pretend to do so but only ever sharing the superficial stuff. It had them spending late nights talking instead of watching mindless TV or going to Molly's more often than not. They talked about the things that happened before she left, while she was gone and before they even knew each other. About the things that went wrong and the things that were currently happening in their lives. They took every day as it came and didn't talk or think about the future all that much because the past taught them that nobody knew what it had in store for them.

Just friends might have not been what either of them wanted but it's what they needed after a year apart and of course the time they had spent together but somehow still apart. Another year came and went before he confessed that he was ready to me more than just friend again. They had to do it right though.

First dates happened and even though they weren't really first it still felt like it. The fact that they had done all this already didn't change anything about how nervous the both of them were. It's something they laughed about when she told him how she felt. Their pace was slow and they were cautious but it all seemed so much easier now. Obviously they didn't have to be afraid of losing their jobs or to be spotted in public when they were out on a date. There was nothing between them anymore they had laid it all out in the open in the last year.

She was still working undercover a lot but they didn't have to go without seeing each other for more than a week or two. The worry was always there and probably stronger than ever before since they were in fact no longer watching each other's back professionally. They had discussed the possibility of her coming back to Intelligence but she relayed how Hank had told her in no uncertain terms that it wasn't an option.

One thing they never had to worry about not even before were their mutual feelings because they both knew there was nothing that could ever change the spark and more importantly the love they shared. In Fact one day out of the blue she admitted that she knew that she loved him pretty much since the first time they had talked about Wisconsin. That little snippet of information was surprising for both of them. Less surprising though was when he told her that he pretty much loved her since day one.

Erin and Jay were as happy as ever before and to say that things were so much easier was an understatement.

It took her a while to get over the fact that Hank and Jay had grown closer and were almost friendly with each other most of the time that was. Not that she would complain about it though after all they could have Sunday dinner now without Jay being terrified and nervous the whole time. Intelligence and its member were happy for them to have found their way back to each other especially since they had witnessed what being apart did to them. Some of them mostly Antonio and Kim telling them that they were finally where they belonged. The couple enjoyed what they had without thinking about the future too much.

Eventually when the time was right she was the one who approached the subject of them living together. He agreed that they were ready and even though they rarely talked about the future they both knew that they had found the person they wanted to spend the rest of their respective lives with. It's what made them buy a rather big town house in a good neighborhood with great schools and parks. Still they didn't rush anything. They didn't need to because they were both contend with how things were going also knowing that if anything would change one of them would bring it up or make a move to go forward.

Moving it forward was exactly what was on Erin's mind and had been for a few months now. She wasn't sure how to feel about the urge at first that's why she kept it at the back of her mind but these days she could hardly thing about anything else. Even though she definitely wasn't the romantic one in their relationship she made the effort of planning something nice for them and she couldn't help but notice that his ways must've rubbed off on her over the years. She went all the way out and even bought a new dress for the occasion one she was sure he would love. She told Hank into letting him leave early so that they could make it in time for their reservation her father figure just like her boyfriend of course clueless about her plans. Erin could feel herself getting increasingly nervous waiting for the right time. During the evening Jay kept telling her how he couldn't believe that she had become so romantic that she actually planned their evening. Erin had to agree despite her faked annoyance because usually he was the one who did stuff like this. She honestly didn't know why she had never surprised him with dinner plans before and made a mental note to do it every now and then in the future. It would definitely be worth the effort that she knew for sure after seeing the spark in his eyes when she told him to dress up.

Dinner had been amazing and they've been strolling along Lake Michigan hand in hand for about an hour now when she came to a sudden stop. They were able to admire their city's marvelous skyline including Navy Pier from where they were standing just like she planned it.

He looked at her with surprise and concern then probably because of how sudden she had stopped.

"You alright babe?" Jay asked while a frown formed on his face.

"More than alright! I just remembered something important." She could see his curiosity spiking at that and prepared herself what she was going to say next. "Oh yeah?" He stepped closer to her still holding her hand in his.

"I've been thinking a lot lately." She said taking his other hand in her hand, too. Momentarily wondering if she should have chosen different words realizing she must have sounded like she was breaking up with him but she pushed that thought away and continued. "I've been thinking about all the things and moments that lead us to the moment we are in right now. About how it was hard and complicated there for what seemed like the longest time. How I still wouldn't change a thing even do it all again if it means that we would always get back to where we are right now." She had to smile at how adorably confused he looked standing there waiting for her to finish her thoughts somehow sensing that she wasn't done yet. "You know Jay, I would have never thought I would get to this point with anyone instead I always closed myself off when things got to real for me telling myself it would be better that way. But with you it has always been different I have never really been able to do what I got at. I hid from my feeling there for a while but not because I didn't love you. In fact I've never loved anyone as much as I've loved you all this time even during our time apart. I think I was just afraid of being truly happy but I'm not anymore. I haven't been for the long time and I don't want to be ever again. So Mr. Halstead you are my love and you have my heart. What would you say about finally making me your Mrs.?" When she finally finished her monologue she began to wonder if any of it made sense. She gazed into his ocean blue eyes anxiously anticipating his answer even though deep down she knew that there was only one possible outcome. He didn't answer right away just starring at her with a smile on his face it made her playfully push him to get his attention. His smile widens even more even though she thought that wouldn't be possible and she can't help but think to herself that he looks like a kid in the candy store.

"I would love nothing more than for you to become Mrs. Halstead. I love you so much." Now that made her match his smile just before their lips crashed together in a time stopping kiss. As they came up to fill their lungs with air he casted her a serious look. "I hope you didn't think I wouldn't want this." He asked her and his seriousness faded away seeing that the smile never left her face. She shook her head no and that brought his smile back, too. "Er, you are everything to me. If I have you for the rest of my life I will need nothing else to make my life complete because I love you so much that it amazes me sometimes. To be honest I've been thinking about it too a whole lot actually but I love that you asked me it shows how far you've come." She had to close her eyes because of how close she was to letting the tears in her eyes fall. This man was just so good sometimes she wondered if he was even real. She kissed him again and they just stayed there like that in each other's embrace until he tugged at her hands telling her they should get home. He winked at her whispering "I have to show you something." And it leaves her confused on the whole way home. It dawns on her thirty something minutes later when he tells her to wait in the living room while he himself disappeared upstairs only to come back still sporting that huge smile but now presenting a red and gold box to her.

His mother's ring.

He had told her about how he had asked Will to get it for him intending to ask her to marry him back before she left without so much as a goodbye. He also told her how he realized soon after that it hadn't been the right time. She cried but agreed before she confessed that she wasn't sure if she would've said yes back then. Nothing changed between them after they had that conversation because they understood were the other came from.

It had never occurred to her that he had kept the ring all this time and it made her heart beat so much faster inside her chest. He heard the sharp intake of breath when he popped open the lid of the box. It's only a short moment later when she reached out hesitatingly ghosting her fingers over the surface of the diamond and the golden band surrounding it. He watched her as she took it all in tracing the object with her hands and her eyes over and over again. "It's beautiful." Is all she was able to muster still in awe of what she was seeing. "That's why it will fit on your finger perfectly even though it would never be able to out shine your beauty." Jay told her attentively proceeding to take her left hand in his sliding the ring on its rightful spot. They were both admiring the sight that is granted their eyes in that moment. "I've been wanting to see this scene one day." Jay admitted blushing ever so slightly.

"It's more than I could have ever asked for just like you." Erin said when after she found her voice again. "I love you so much. Thank you for this I feel honored to be wearing it. I know how much it means to you" She didn't wait for an answer before she kissed him pouring all her passion, lust and love into it. Not only a minute later he bends to pick her up by the thighs caring her upstairs to their bedroom so they could show each other just how much they were in love.


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own anything**

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He wanted to have a big ceremony a whole day that was all about her saying that she deserved it so much. She didn't want that though she wanted to get married as soon as possible not wanting to plan for months. She told him that it wasn't important that they rented some fancy location and invited hundreds of people. A Wedding should be about the two people that love each other and them celebrating it with their closest friend and family. She told him not to worry because he would still see her in a white dress since that was something she wanted, too.

They wedding ended up being still mostly casual but a wedding nonetheless. They held it somewhere by the lake with their friends and family so that about thirty people came together to celebrate them. It was perfect for them and they will remember it forever. He is sure he will never forget how she looked like an angel send from above when she walked towards him in her white dress or the words she said in her vows and she will not forget how he cried when he saw her or how she did when he said his vows. What they had saved by having a small wedding was what they definitely spend on their honeymoon. Neither of them had ever really left America to travel so when it came to planning and she confessed that she always dreamed of visiting Italy it was set in stone that that would be their destination. They spend lazy days at the beach, with walking along picturesque streets and of a lot of time inside their rented beach house. They did what newlyweds do and savored every moment of the week they had. But they had to get back to their life in Chicago eventually and if you would've asked either off them they'd say it was over way to soon. Erin had decided to change her name her officially and was Agent Halstead now. It took her a while to get used to but that didn't stop the smile that appeared on her face every time somebody called her by her name. It was unreal for her sometimes and for him, too. If anyone had told them a couple of years ago especially when she first came to New York and he was spiraling downwards that they would be married and living in a townhouse they would've declared that person for insane.

It didn't mean that their lives weren't chaotic sometimes. Jay was still in the process of mending the relationship with his father it was already a lot better but there were still repressed feelings on Jay's side. He never got rid of the nightmares completely either though it had gotten much better over the years and especially when he had her back beside him at night. And there was Bunny who just couldn't seem to give up. Not that Erin ever answered any of her calls. They were reminded that both of their jobs were indeed highly dangerous every time one of them came home sporting a scrape, bruise, cracked rip, stab wound or limp. Those days made it always harder for them to accept that they weren't work partners anymore and there was not much they could do about it. Promises were made to be more careful and the promise she had given him all those years ago would forever be in the back of both of their minds. Though she technically had to go in without backup whenever she went undercover.

On a sunny Sunday morning approximately four months after their wedding she woke up feeling somehow different. Erin didn't know why so she racked her brain for a possible explanation but no matter how hard she tried to she couldn't find one. All of her thoughts surrounding that feeling were pushed to the back of her mind when she felt his fingers caressing along her arm indicating that he was awake, too.

"Good morning, my beautiful wife." Jay whispered into her ear from his spot behind her. Erin turned in his arms so they could look at each other.

"Good morning, baby." She said before she kissed him and then she put her head on his bare chest right over his heart. This was her favorite place here in the safety of their bed listening to his beating heart. This was her home. She had found her home in him and his heart. To be honest she hardly considered this place her home when he wasn't here with her.

"What do you want to do today?" Jay asked her after a couple of minutes of comfortable silence.

"Mhh, maybe my house husband can make us some breakfast. Oh, we have to go grocery shopping we are running out of coffee." She told him groaning at the thought of having to go to a store on a Sunday knowing it would be overflown with people.

"Oh, you're right and we actually need food too. We should definitely not forget the coffee that way you don't have to be grumpy in the mornings." He chuckled slightly. "Oh please, you can't function without coffee either. Now let's get up I'm starving over here and you're going to make bacon, eggs and pancakes." Erin demanded playfully patting his chest before pushing herself up into a sitting position.

"Yes ma'am." Jay said while saluting in her direction with that he was out of bed and making his way downstairs. She stayed there leaning against the headboard still in awe that this kind hearted, boyish, sensitive, loving, gentle and handsome man was her husband. That he had chosen her to be the person he would spend the rest of his life with. Sometimes she woke up and wondered if she it had all been a dream or if it was all just a product of her fantasy. She had to smile every time she looked at him because she knew that it was in fact her real life when she saw the sparkle in his eyes. It seemed crazy when she thought back to her childhood years, back to the little scared girl who would have never thought that man like hers existed let alone believed that she'd one day be married to the best man she knew. He had helped her realize that she deserved to be happy and of course that she deserved to be with him because there was a time when she wasn't sure about either of that.

She could hear Jay calling for her from the kitchen and with that she slipped out of bed making her way down there to join him. She realized that she must've been deep in thoughts when she entered the kitchen and saw their kitchen table already set. In the time she had been upstairs in bed thinking about this man he once again proved to her how spoiled she was just by making everything she had requested for her breakfast.

They found themselves walking through Target later that day making sure to check off every item they had on their list. After about thirty minutes they had filled their cart with everything they needed and made their way to check out. Erin kept rereading the list trying to figure out why she had the feeling that they had forgotten something important. All of the sudden the feeling she had earlier that morning came back full force and it bothered her that she just couldn't seem to figure out what it was about. She looked up to see Jay taking the articles out of the cart and setting them on the belt. It finally hit her when she went to put some stuff on the belt too and spotted the item that belonged to the woman that was standing next to her also waiting in line. The pink and blue rectangular box that was staring back at her made her come to a sudden stop midway between cart and the rubbery surface.

Now she knew what seemed to be missing from the list and if she was honest with herself hadn't bought in quite some time. Seeing that box she should probably be buying now instead of the one she should have needed over the last few weeks made her inside flutter. Jay must've been so engrossed in his task that he hadn't noticed that she was moving in slow motion trying to resume what she had been doing without freaking out. She knew she had to find out as soon as possible. By the time it was their turn to pay she pretended to have remembered something important they needed to buy but told Jay that he should go ahead and put the stuff in the car. He knew something was up when he saw how nervous she was but he let it go and made a mental note to ask her about it later. He didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable and he knew she will tell him sooner rather than later. At the pharmacy isle she looked for the item she had in mind and it didn't take her long at all to find it. There were about a dozen different tests in different colors and sizes. It is funny she thought in this moment she just wanted to know if their lives were about to change she didn't want to have to make a decision about which test should give her the answer. For a moment she wondered if she should have asked Jay to come with her so he could just pick one. She grabbed three random tests and proceeded to pay. She couldn't explain why she was this nervous she knew that they both wanted this at some point and she was pretty sure it didn't really matter when it happened. Whether it happened now or in a year, in two years or in five because they loved each other and that's all that mattered. As long as they had each other they could do anything. Even though they hadn't talked about it a lot or had made concrete plans but she knew that he always saw himself having a big family. She herself had allowed herself to think about it sometimes and she used to think that she wasn't meant to have kids she but he had changed her mind a while ago. One thing Erin knew for sure was that she wanted it all with him and only him. Once she had paid for the items and made her way to the car she realized that she had no reason to freak out. Not with him by her side, not ever. She wanted him to know that she was happy about this and not trying to avoid it and that's exactly why she dropped the bag in his lap when she sat in the driver's seat. Jay, of course already waiting in the passenger seat like a good house husband does. He looked at her then surprise written all over his features. He kept looking form the bag to her as if he was asking her what he should do with it. She just smiled and pointed to the bag.

"Go ahead take a look." That's what he did. She could literally see the wheels turning in his head but then he pulled out one of the boxes. After a second his mouth fell open and his eyes went wide. Erin awaited his reaction giving him some time to process what he just saw and when he looked at her with a smile on his face and hope shining in his eyes was when she knew that there was indeed no reason to worry. "This morning when I woke up I felt somehow different. Not good or bad just different but I just couldn't put my finger on it so I dismissed it. When we were in there going over the list I kept thinking that I was missing something and I realized that I haven't bought tampons in like two months and I know for sure that I used the last one when I had my period the last time. The woman that was in line with us bought a test and it made me think." She finished explaining everything making sure she wasn't leaving anything out. "I'm actually pretty sure." Erin confessed and it was then that she reached over and put his hand on her jaw crashing his lips to hers.

"Let's go home and find out if you're right." Jay told her with a goofy smile on his face before he added. "Oh and baby, I love you so, so much." She knew it was a hopeful _I love you_ , a grateful _I love you_ , a happy _I love you_ and a proud _I love you_ because he was all of these things. He was especially proud about how open she was with towards him they had definitely come a long way. It still amazed him how different she was with him than with her friend or even Hank but he learned to be just as open with her. Being honest and open not holding back anything any longer was what made their marriage, their love and their lives so much easier. No matter what kind of drama would happen they both knew that there was nothing that could come between them. They didn't have to worry about the demons from their past destroying them like it had back then. They had told each other all the important things and were still getting to know about the little things here and there. It wasn't like back when Abby came to Chicago or when Erin took her sabbatical after Nadia's death. They had cleaned the air after she came back from New York when they had been rebuilding their friendship. Ever since then they learned things like what Jay's favorite color had been when he was ten years old or that Erin used to have one stuffed animal when she was little given to her by a neighbor. How she had passed it on to Teddy when he was a baby.

She knew about most of the things that had happened on his tours now, too. Every time he would wake up from one of his nightmares sweating, crying or screaming they would lay in bed together and he would relay to her what those bad dreams were about. She did the same when she would wake up after dreaming about the things that happened in her childhood or even her adult life. Whenever a case had hid to close to home for either of them they would lay in bed talking the night away. Erin learned how she could help Jay and he did the other way around. They learned what the other needed just by looking at them.

It turned out that she had been right and they could see the conformation in front of them. Three times positive. They both cried happy tears before they lost themselves in the celebration.

They were both so happy about the journey they were about to embark on and they made a silent promise to protect that tiny life with all they had. Erin made an appointment with her OBGYN first thing the next morning wanting to confirm it officially. She told Jay that she wouldn't go undercover anymore and he agreed without hesitation being relieved that he didn't have to be the one to broach the subject. It was just another example that perfectly showed how different she was from her mother the person she had feared to become herself. Every single time she had voiced her concern about turning out just like her mother had made him wonder how she could not see that she was the polar opposite of Bunny Fletcher. Even the times she hadn't said it out loud she knew because he had long since been able to understand her without words. Back after Nadia's death she might have been escaping the pain the easiest way she had known but that hadn't been her and they all knew it. Bunny had gotten her claws into her and did was she had always been best at. Erin's so called mother had never been anything other than a selfish, manipulative, jealous and weak person who got off on making other people feel worse than she felt herself. Erin on the other hand reminded Jay so much of his own mother with her big heart, her empathy her strength, her selflessness and her bravery.

Erin's boss wasn't really happy about the news concerning his best agent not going undercover because she wasn't feeling at her best and didn't want to endanger herself or any other agent. She didn't tell him the real reason just then since she wanted it to be confirmed by her doctor first. He didn't seem too convinced by her explanation but Okayed it anyway. Jay couldn't keep the smile of his face ever since she had taken the test and it was hard for him to whip it off when he walked into the district but he didn't want to be too obvious. They had agreed on not telling anyone just yet but her boss until they were on the safe side before they spread the news. They knew that terrible things could happen even after the first trimester. They had laid in bed late the night they found out when she whispered that she feared what could happen to which he replied with a kiss on her head and an equally quiet " _Me too."._ They didn't want to think about much more and they'd still have each other even during their darkest days.

It was a week later that they saw the tiny blob that was their baby for the first time. It felt so surreal when they heard the rapid but apparently perfectly healthy heartbeat of this little human living inside of Erin's resonating throughout the exam room. Her doctor confirmed Erin's suspicion by telling them that the baby was around two months old and that she was lucky that she hadn't had any signs of morning sickness yet. The doctor printed three copies of the black and white picture one of which Jay put in his wallet right away. Telling her that if she was to carry their baby everyday he wanted to do it, too and he looked at her he saw the tears shining in her eyes. He couldn't even begin to put in words how much love he felt for her. She lacked the ability to express the amount of love for him just the same.

How does one put something into words that was so significant that it consumed your whole being?

They had to put a hold onto the celebration plans since they had to get back to work much to the dismay of them both. She went straight into her boss's office to finally tell him the real reason for her request and she was relieved that he agreed immediately before congratulating her. She had to think about how hard it must be for Jay not to spill the beans to their friends he worked with them all day after all. She knew that he will talk to her about the baby at home as much as possible not that she would mind because she was just as happy about this little miracle. The next month came and went and the day they would be able to tell their family and friends was finally there. They invited all of them to have dinner at their house but asked Hank and Will to come earlier to help them. When they had planned this they had agreed that the two of them deserved to know first since they were their closest family members.

Of course they both were incredibly happy for the couple just like the rest of the unit when they told them later that night. Jay could swear he had seen tears in his Sargent's eyes when Erin asked him what he would think of having a grandchild that lived in Chicago. It took Will a couple of seconds to follow but when he realized what Erin had meant he jumped up just like Hank had just did and hugged both of them. All their guests told them that they would be great parents and it eased their insecurities slightly. The assurance from Hank, Al and Antonio that they had felt the same insecurities helped, too. The celebration lasted until late into the night all of them enjoying this get together since they didn't have too many happy occasions in their line of work. As Erin's and Jay's baby grew bigger and bigger and so did the excitement and love they felt. With every sonogram they went to and witnessed the changes their baby went through. The first time she felt it move and the first time he did brought tears to their eyes. She seemed to become more beautiful to him with every day her stomach became rounder and the baby grew bigger despite that she had always been breathtakingly beautiful to him. It changed her not just on the outside but on the inside. Everybody could tell how much she loved this baby and how much she was looking forward to meet her or him. He was once again witnessing that she should've never doubted her abilities to be a great mother because without the baby even being there she had already seemed so natural. Erin thought the same about him whenever he talked about or with the baby. When he woke up in the morning and bend down to lift her shirt so he could give her belly a good morning kiss. She couldn't even begin to describe the feeling she had when she felt him admiring her shape. Erin knew that he had his doubts about being a father too. That he was afraid that much like his own father he would not pay enough attention to their child or that he would make him or her feel like they weren't good enough. So she made it her mission to tell him otherwise as much as she could because that's what they did.

They decided against finding out the gender before the baby was born wanting to be surprised. They chose two names that would hopefully fit her or him perfectly. The unit helped them paint the nursery in white with a moon and stars above the crib.

They became a little impatient at about seven a half month desperately wanting to meet this little person that was half her half him. Still they hoped he or she would take all the time that was needed to develop properly. The water broke when they were having breakfast with Will and went straight to the hospital both filled with anxiety and excitement. After a hard and painful seven hours they finally met their baby. The moment the little boy was placed on Erin's chest was unreal for them both. They had waited for this moment for the last seven months. They had speculated about the gender, who he or she would look like and how big and heavy the baby would be. Nobody could have ever prepared them for this moment though because as they looked at their little boy with tears in their eyes they felt a new level of completeness they didn't know even existed. This perfect little person who was looking back at his parents with big unfocused eyes was what they never knew they needed until that very moment they laid eyes on him for the first time.

Evan Henry Halstead had his mother's nose and dimples but his father's smile and mouth. His eye color would later change from baby blue to hazel but his parents didn't know that yet. Later that night the three of them were all cuddled up in the hospital bed and it was then that Erin looked at her two peacefully sleeping men and couldn't help but wonder once again.

Is this real life or fantasy?


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own anything.**

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Chapter 3

The Halstead family added another member to the bunch over the years. Erin and Jay adopted a kitty once Evan was old enough to understand that he shouldn't pull its tail or fur. The little boy loved his red pet and played with her whenever he could. The four legged ball of fur had slept at the foot of his bed since day one and there has not been a day when Lily wasn't there when one of the parents checked on the boy in the middle of the night. It was a surprise how gentle Evan was with Lily though it shouldn't have been since he always had been a quite kid. He had never been one to throw a lot of tantrums or even cry much when he was just a baby They never understood how this quite, gentle and sweet little boy was the product of their love when both of them were fiercely stubborn and rather hot headed.

Evan wasn't a momma's or daddy's boy in particular he loved both of his parents just the same. He didn't favor one of them but there were definitely times when he chose who he would go to depending on what he was seeking. When he was sick he would always come to his mother for comfort and the same happened if he got hurt or when he was sad. His daddy was the one he would go to when he was looking for a buddy who would build forts, Lego towers and sandcastles with because that's what boys do at least when you asked him. Jay was also the one to read bedtime stories and the one the little boy went to when he'd be afraid.

Evan always watched his father intently whatever he was doing and especially when he was protecting him and his mommy. So when his daddy had to go to a city called New York to help the police officers there with a case he made sure to watch out for his mother the way we was used to see. The four year old boy made sure that his daddy knew that he didn't need to worry. Jay looked at his beautiful, amazing son in awe before he told him just how proud he was of his big buddy that he of course wouldn't expect anything else and that he loved him so much. The latter being something the little boy already knew since his parents always have been sure to tell him as much as they could. Being kids Erin and Jay had experienced what it was like to feel unwanted or like a disappointment even a burden and so they made sure their son would've never have to feel that way.

Of course they had days when Evan wouldn't listen to them or when it all seemed to be too much to handle especially with their jobs but they always came out on top. They had the best support system after all. They had disagreements from time to time but they never really had any bad fights that ended with one of them sleeping on the couch or them shouting at each other. They still worked a lot though Erin worked less than before they had Evan and Hanks send him home early more often than not so they could spend family time together. One time Erin had asked him about it after he had send Jay home earlier five days in a row. Her pseudo father just shrugged and told her that her husband looked like he was about to fall over' Erin knew that there was to it and she got it out of him eventually. He admitted that he had always regretted not spending more time with his family when he could and that he didn't want that for his grandson. So that's exactly what they did whenever they had chance to do something fun or just have quiet family night at home. They also made sure to spend time with each other just the two of them. They made sure to check in with the other and of course that neither of them ever forgot how much they loved each other.

They still took every day as it came though having Evan they quickly realized that sometimes it was all about planning.

Evan loved all his uncles and aunts; he loved his grandpa Hank and looked up to him. Jay and Erin had decided to let jay's father be in their son's life, too. It had been awkward at first when he came to visit the couple at the hospital when he had heard that he had a grandchild. Patrick Halstead seemed to want to make up for the fact that he hadn't been a good father to Jay by trying his best to be a good grandparent. It was what had angered Jay to no end in the beginning because how could his father believe that being there now would make up for all the things that had happened back when he himself was a boy? Though after a while and to be honest it had a lot to do with his wives convincing words he realized that he should just enjoy the relationship he was building with his father and try not to dwell on the past that much. The past was the past and sometimes you had to leave it there. He told himself to be happy that his son has two grandpas because he didn't have any grandma's at all. Another reason for Jay's change of heart was Evan. Whenever he watched his son play with his own father it showed how much the little boy liked him and he opted on letting go of his anger since Evan's happiness was much more important.

People always used to say that time moved faster once you have kids but neither Jay nor Erin ever believed that myth until they experienced it themselves. Evan started crawling and then walking before they could even blink, he said his first words- "hi" ,"da" ,"ma"-not long after that. After what felt like five minutes he four years old and becoming more and more independent every day much to the dismay of his parents. They couldn't believe how fast their baby was growing up and of course wanting him to stay little forever. They knew it was inevitable that Evan grew up and would they knew that he would need them less and less the older he became.

Soon enough it was their sons first day of kindergarten and as sad as it made his parents feel in the end his own excitement overshadowed it all. That morning Evan woke up before his parents did and got out of bed and snuck through the hallway to the master bedroom to wake his parents. He opened the door as quiet as he could and catapulted himself onto the bed. Of course the sudden impact on their bodies woke them instantly. It was rare that their son woke them up like this it mostly happened on his birthday or Christmas morning. If Erin was honest she loved waking up to her handsome man but she loved it even more when Evan would crawl into their bed to cuddle which seemed to happen less these days.

"Mommy, Daddy wake up! It's my first day of school!" The little hazel eyed, freckled boy bounced up and down in his mother's lap seemingly bursting of excitement.

"What? That can't be today. You're not old enough to go to school your still a baby." Erin said as she pulled him down so he would lay in between them. "Of course I'm old enough, mama. I'm five. I'm not a baby." Evan squealed as Jay began to tickle his side. "You will always be my baby even when you're thirty and I'm old and wrinkled." Erin murmured into his hair before placing a kiss there. "Exactly, Mama is right buddy you'll always be our baby." Jay added draping his arm over the two of them pulling them closer in the process.

Erin had always told him that this was where she felt at home. Here in the safety of their bed in his arms and then later with the person they had created together nestled between them. Over the years he had come to realize that it was the same for him, too. These two people laying in his arms were his home. They were all he needed to be happy and much more. In that moment he closed his eyes and just savored the feeling of contentment because he knew that Evan would one day stop allowing his parents to cuddle with him. As Antonio always told him-"Enjoy it while it last soon you will be embarrassing."-Jay took that advice seriously. As if to proof that to him Evan started wriggling out of his parents embrace putting a sudden end to their little cuddle session. "Come on we gotta get ready I can't be late on my first day." Evan started bouncing again and took off running out of his parent's room. They looked at each other before cuddling closer once again Erin placed her head on her husband's chest and he buried his head in her hair.

"He is getting so big I don't like it." Erin said letting out a big sigh.

"I know I can't believe he has his first day of school. It seems like yesterday that we brought him home from the hospital." Jay said sounding equally as sad.

About a year after they had Evan they had talked about the prospect of them having more kids. Neither of them was set on just having one child but they stayed true to the motto they had been living by ever since Erin had returned from New York. So they took every day as it came and weather that meant that they would have another child or not. They knew that they would be happy either way and that if anything would change for one of them he or she would say something about it. But after five years neither of them had changed their mind. They would've been over the moon happy if it would've happened anyway it just never did but they weren't bothered by it all that much.

They focused their attention on their son and made sure he had everything that he needed and they were still happy as it was.

"Alright babe, we gotta get up now and face the fact that our baby boy is five an going to kindergarten today. You know how impatient he gets when we let him wait he definitely got that from his Momma." He tells her with a wink and then he kissed her and slipped out of the bed. "You're right." Erin groaned. Erin made her way downstairs twenty minutes later and found Jay making breakfast and Evan already dressed. She took a minute to just look at the pair admiring the way they interacted. Jay and Evan were cooking together something they did quite often and Jay was currently showing his son how to scramble eggs. Erin would never get tired of seeing them together. It was the cutest to see the bond father and son had. His daddy was his hero and she hoped it would stay that way knowing full well how much it meant to Jay and her to have this kind of relationship with the little boy. Her heart would always swell with love whenever her baby came to her when he was searching for comfort. She had realized that all her fears about ending up like her own mother were for nothing because she was indeed nothing like that woman. The mother that never made her feel safe or even somewhat loved. The one that had been the worst influence on her. The one she had never talked to again after she left Chicago all those years ago. Erin also knew that there was still a lot she had to teach her son but she hoped that he would always know that he could come to her that she'll always be there no matter how old he was.

"Mommy, daddy and I are making eggs and bacon. I'm scrambling look!" The little boy exclaimed when she spied his mother standing in the doorway.

"Oh, wow I looove eggs and bacon. You're doing an amazing job, baby." Erin said bending to kiss him on top of his head.

"So, are you ready for today little man?" Jay asked as they sat together and ate their breakfast.

"Yeah, daddy I'm really excited! I'm going to see Max and Colin and Emery and Cassie isn't it great that they're all in my class?" They could see just how excited he was especially to see all of his friends. At first the parents didn't know how he would handle being without them for such a long time. When he first started preschool they eased him in slowly letting him stay longer and longer before either one of his parents or his grandpa Hank came to pick him up. When Evan was younger he used to have a nanny but one of them would pick him up at around two to spend the afternoons running errands or going home. It turned out that there was nothing they needed to worry about since their social little boy found friends really fast and loved playing with them. Now they hoped it would be the same with kindergarten. They had coordinated with the parents of his friends that lived close by to see if they could get them in one class. To the surprise of the parents they were able to make it happen.

An hour after breakfast they found themselves in front of the school building and Erin any probably felt more anxious and nervous than Evan. The five year old was itching to get inside to join his friends but his mommy kept taking pictures. "Momma, come on please." He groaned impatiently.

"Just one more you look so handsome my school boy." Erin said while snapping another picture. "Okay, are you sure you're really ready for this?" She asked her son even though someone should probably have asked her that question instead because she definitely wasn't ready. She could see Jay raising his eyebrow teasingly at her but he just ignored that.

"Momma I'm ready. Can we go now please?" Evan said taking his parents hands practically pulling them towards the entrance. When they reached the classroom they were barely able to kiss him goodbye before he took off to greet his friends. Erin and Jay could just stand there holding each other and watch how their little boy turned into a big boy in front of their eyes. It was hard on the both of them and they would've lied if they said they didn't shed a few tears but not until they were standing in the parking lot. Their little moment didn't last all that long since they had to go do their jobs so they kissed each other goodbye and drove in different directions.

A couple of hours later when Jay had a moment of free time he took out his phone and scrolled through the pictures they had taken that morning . He lingered at one of the pictures he had taken of Erin and Evan. Evan was turned towards Erin who was crouching down to be at eye level with her son. They were smiling at each other and Erin was fumbling with the straps on his backpack. As Jay looked at the picture he knew that his whole world was captured right there and he had to ask himself how he got so lucky to have a wife he loved so much. One that was so unbelievable beautiful on the inside and on the outside and a son who was just like his mother.

Jay thought to himself that sometimes you just have to take a step back to appreciate the life you live. A live that felt like it might just be a perfect dream but was in fact so real.

The End


End file.
